Today seems to be the day to write...

 It's been a long time since I have written... though I think of it often. To be honest, my life has been, we'll say hectic as of late. But a wedding can do that to a person. 

I'm proud to say I haven't been a bridezilla... but I have to be told, almost constantly, to stop skipping over things for the wedding... I originally didn't want a reception, just dinner with the family the night before and then I'm off with my Wookiee... but yeah, that got over-ruled real quick. It's weird to have someone have an opinion, that isn't like mine, but who I have to listen to... I shouldn't say I have to listen, cause I do value his opinion. But on the same note, it's hard to have him be so independent. I always figured that my husband would just give me what I want, let me be myself, and not fight me at all on the naming of kids. That is FAR from reality! Dang you Hollywood for your chick flicks... I shake my fist at you! 

That's all for today my humble subjects. 

4/24/2013

Life is an interesting thing. 

Honest! Just when you don't expect it, Life throws you something that reminds you just how unique and precious life is. And I don't just say this after that shooting at Sandy Hooks, or the bombings in Boston or after reading an article about a soul survivor of a plane crash back in '87 finally speaks about it 25 years later. Because I don't need the horror stories or miracles to remind me about how precious life is. I see it every day when talking to my Wookiee as we plan our wedding. I see it every night when I feel the prayers from my sweet daughter-to-be as she prepares for bed over 1,000 miles away. I see it every week when I go to church and spend time with my nursery kiddos. But at the same time, Life is so complicated. You can't plan it perfectly. If my perfect life plan had went according to my plan, I would be done with school, working freelance, married and expecting baby number two. But no, I had some growing up to do. I didn't know it, but God did. 

But at the same time, I'm thankful that I did wait. I have the most amazing fiance in the world who surprises me everyday with just being him. Long distance or not, he makes sure that I am taken care of and obeying rule #1 (Don't die!). I have a gorgeous little girl who is smarter than her years, and reminds me of myself when I was little.

Life is dance, but you have to learn as you go through the motion (and yes, it's also lyrics to a old country song!) you are going to stumble in this journey, some you may be able to get up with no problems, no scars. Others, you may fall and get hurt and have to do some learning and healing to come back from. But every once in a while, you may fall, but you'll quickly get back up, throw your hands in the air and say, "I'm okay!"

I'm learning, every so slowly, that you have to fight for what you want. It's never going to be just handed to you. I've been fighting through some personal things, some things for much longer than I really want to fight for them. But the good things, the most precious things in life are worth this fight. I've learned, and continue to learn, that people are going to disappoint you, hurt your feelings, or just down right piss you off. This is the  nature of the human race. It sucks, I know. Oh, trust me, I know. My Wookiee gets to listen to me complain about it on almost a weekly basis. (sorry babe)

My point being my humble subjects, life is hard. But if you believe like I do, though I expect you to believe what you feel is right, we are here in this life for a test. Some of us just are being tested harder than others because God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers. You are stronger than you think, braver than you know, and truer than anyone you will ever meet. You just need to accept that you are you and life is life.

Good night my humble subjects. I hope this helps you as much as it has helped me. 

I've been told that I need to write... let me start by saying, I've never been one who likes being told what to do... unless I want to do it. I'm stubborn like that.  Life never ceases to amaze me. Just when I think I've got it all figured out how it's going to go, I get a twist to my story... sometimes I like it, sometimes I'd like to break something, preferably something that will shatter...

Though life did give me the best birthday gift of my life... mind you, I'm only 24, so I haven't got too much to compare it to. And y'all are probably thinking I got some material item that I've always wanted... but no. My birthday was just another day for me. I haven't really celebrated it in years, this was the first time in three years I didn't have to work on my birthday. Add in the fact that I was sicker than a dog :( never fun. And my football team lost to Baltimore (LAME!). I get this text message out of no where from my daughter's mom asking me to call them (my phone did a swan dive into a cup of milk just after Christmas and I'm using this uber ghetto go phone that I can only text on until I can get a new one) so of course I commandeer a phone and call them... to get the most sweetest happy birthday from my daughter. I never before realized how rewarding it is to be a parent... well, cause until recently, I wasn't one. I get this amazing girl as part of a package deal with my fiance... and I swear the kid is part me... from the looks to the attitude to the cute little stories she tells. But the best part was, "I love so you much!" will the kid is practically crying. How can you not love that?! I'm glad I stuck through my dark days for days when my daughter reminds me just how blessed I am.

Sorry this isn't the whitty inspirational post I wanted it to be... but I wrote something and that is what counts ;)

you're somebody's reason to smile...

interesting title right? there is a purpose for it. today's world seems to have a person think that if they don't do things exactly to the main plan, then you are a failure. not only is this wrong, but I find it to be almost barbaric! to quote "Brave" (cause I literally just finished watching it), each of us has our own fate within us, we just have to be brave enough to see it. so when you feel down and blue, or to quote my Wookie, when you feel like your wheels are spinning but you're going nowhere. this is the time to take hold, to reach down deep and gather yourself together. my theory is, the reason you feel this way is something is missing or something is about to change. I say this from experience, because one day I was down on myself, feeling lost, broken, and ready to just throw in the towel, that is the night that my Wookie stepped up from the friend-zone. another day occurred more recently, it was a day in which nothing felt right, I felt empty, sad, and honestly I cried a lot easier than ever before... this was right after I came home from a week long visit with my Wookie. adjusting hasn't been easy, I'm still trying to figure it out. but the important thing is to never give up, because deep down, you are the reason that someone is smiling. never forget that. just because something isn't working right for you, or you just don't feel like yourself, don't give up, don't give in to those feelings. it's hard to overcome, but you have to be brave and have faith in yourself, soon those wheels of yours are going to catch onto something and you will go off sailing to the horizon. though it may not be in the direction that you planned for, it'll happen for a reason. I have myself aimed in the direction I want to be going, I am honestly just waiting for the world to catch up with me.

stay strong, have faith, and always remember, you are somebody's reason to smile.

cheers!

footprints

I've heard the phrase "leaving footprints on my heart" many times before, never really grasping the meaning of it, until now. 107 days ago today, my dearest friend came to me in my depths of despair, in my moment of need. He reached for my hand, but captured my wounded heart instead. He took it upon himself to listen to my endless woe, my late night rambles, to listen and to understand. I marvel in awe at the strength of his special soul. He mended my heart, one stitch at a time, leaving behind footprints of loving tenderness. He continues to cherish me, lift me up, and love me, adding to the footprints upon my heart.
Footprints show us where we've been, what we've conquered, and who carried us in our need. Yes, there are footprints on the moon and there are footprints in the sand, but the footprints on the heart leave the most lasting impression.

I dreamed a dream...

"I've dreamed a dream in times gone by..." The words of one of my favorite Les Miserables songs seems to mean differently lately. To dream a dream. I love that statement! To dream a dream of "daring swordfights, magic spells, a prince in disguise!" Yes, another quote, I'm full of then! We can dream of anything, the sky is not the limit!
I got used to limiting myself, letting my heart only soar so high... but if you fly with fear you can never soar with the eagles. I've had a mighty change of heart lately, I've had someone special show me that I can be me, because my flaws make me who I am. I don't need to change who I am to please anyone.

throw the rope back

I don't write as much as I used to, I miss that. I have like a trillion ideas flowing through my head for stories, songs, new dances, things to draw... but unfortunately, that is as far as my ideas get lately... just an idea. I always stop there thinking that it has to be perfect before someone sees it... but is perfection that easily attainable? Not saying that perfection is a bad thing, but maybe, just maybe, we reach too far for it, and if we fall short, we think ourselves worthless, less than what we truly are.
Its interesting to watch my life unfold. I am "chipper", as so many of my bosses have told me, a happy person, eager to live my life and learn as much as I can. Yet, I am so quick to have a meltdown when things aren't going according to my perfect plan. There is that word again, perfect. I set my goals and dreams so high... I'm starting to see that I've put them almost out of my own reach. Not everything in my life is going to fit into how I plan it... a plan that was mostly thought up of by a fourteen year old girl who can dream bigger than the stars in the sky, but, is very stubborn... and I still am stubborn today. I am so sure that I will get my goals, hopes, and dreams when I think they should happen that I forget, I am not the main author of my story, Christ is. Its like one of those choose your own adventure stories... if you choose this path, this is what will happen. I have to understand, truly understand, that while I think I've failed, that my perfect plan for life is ruined, it is merely not time for me to come to that part of my adventure. I may think I am ready, but the author may see I am missing a key tool, skill, or knowledge to move on to that part of my adventure. And until I learn what that is that is missing, I must stay in a loop, like the movie "Groundhog Day", though I am not reliving the same day, just the same path.
A very dear friend who now holds a special place in my heart for his wisdom, and his caring guidance, has helped me see that. Sometimes we get so focused on our destination that we forget to watch our map, leading us to get lost. And until we can learn to stop our forward motion enough to ask for the help we need to get to our destination, we can never truly learn the lessons we need to make our destination. The same is true when it comes to the Gospel. So many are quick to learn it, but how many of us are truly applying it? How many of us are putting on the full character of Christ? Mind you, I'm not a a General Authority or anything, this is just "The World According to Dansie".
 I may get it wrong, but this is what I have learned for myself. I'm going to revert to a quote from a favorite movie, "The Replacements" (1999, Keanu Reeves, Gene Hackman). Okay well, two quotes. The first, "Pain heals, chicks dig scars, glory lasts forever." Pain heals - you may be hurt, down on yourself, or sick, but this is all temporary. In time, the pain will be but a memory, a single thread in a beautiful tapestry of your life. Chicks dig scars - scars come from two things, a repair to a problem or a lesson learned. The repair may come from a genetic problem, or a personal one. A lesson learned means you did something that you regret, wither physically or emotionally, but you have learned from it and moved on. Not all scars are visible, some are on our hearts. Chicks dig scars, or guys dig them, because it made you stronger and who you are today. Glory lasts forever - this one is more spiritual, at least for me. Glory is attained from the things you learned, the actions you take. We are promised everlasting glory in the realm of our Heavenly Father if we but obey his simple commands.
Now the second quote, and a personal favorite. "You're just a duck on a pond. On the surface, everything is calm. But underneath, those feet are churning a mile a minute." Meaning we all may look fine, but we are all facing a trial of some magnitude on our own. Sometimes we just need someone to reach out and help us through that trial, because, sometimes we are too prideful or scared to ask for the help ourselves. But truly, the only thing we have to fear is fear itself. And spiders. ;-) So, fear not! I hope my rambling made sense, it did in my head at least. And maybe, in some way, was a helping hand. I remember during the 2008 Olympics in Beijing there was an American Track & Field athlete who said, "Once we overcome a stumbling block, we need to throw the rope back and help someone else over it." So its my turn now to throw the rope back. Grab on, see you on the other side.